Month: July 2013

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Unwelcomed guests. Unexpected messengers…

Guest house.jpgInspired by Rumi’s poem “Guest House”….

If your being is a guest house,
Who all do you welcome, who gets to share your bedroom, who is tolerated in the drawing room and to whom do you shut our doors and windows to?

What if, all of them were representing a part of you, your psyche?
What if, all of them come to remind you of your forgotten parts;
to mirror what you love and what you can’t stand?
What if, all those who visit you are your soulmates from many lifetimes–
forgotten, unforgiven, frightful, frightened, loved or longing…
What will you do then?

Would you shut your doors on their face? Once again? And carry it forward to another life?
Would you let them in and offer a cup of tea and some company you both longed for?
Would you let some of them see your most hidden space– your bedroom, your study, your basement?

You may start with some guests
Choose few you find hard to tolerate
Let them in for a while in your house
Welcome them with selfless hospitality
Let them sip tea in silence while their purpose in your life is revealed
Then they may dissolve in the being of your house
And you will become a richer and happier soul…

Sacred Well…

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What is your Soul longing for?

Beneath our detest lies deep pain. Beneath our pain lies a deep longing. We all seek to belong to each other.

In a meditative moment, I heard an inner voice telling me a story:

“Let me tell you a real story… I come from the womb of life. That mysterious space where we go after death and where we come from to a new life. A sleep-like awakening: cause there you remember everything. You know who you are, what has been your dharma and your karma. Every Soul, comes from there. We make our choices about who we want to be and what life experiences we would like to have. Soul wants to experience life in the body. But then we take the human form and we forget all about the womb.  

Each Soul is on a transforming life journey. Each Soul is living with a deep longing. Each Soul is seeking deep love and wholeness.

This includes you, your 1-year old son, your 65 year old father, your wife, your neighbor, that irritating cab driver, your client… everyone…
You can engage with all those who show up in your life as physical beings: warm bodies sharing your house, city, planet. 
You can relate to them as social beings: having roles and responsibilities towards you. Which they fulfill or fail to do so. Pleasing or irritating you.
Or you can connect with them as spiritual beings: longing to seek wholeness and completions.  Being your co-travellers in your Soul journey.
All three choices are available to you in any given moment.”

Listening to the spiritual being

As I reflected on this realization, I remembered the moments when I have become aware of Soul’s longing in myself and others. As I walk down the streets, I come across people from different walks of life: security guards & auto-rickshaw drivers,  college students on bikes, executives in posh cars, mothers walking with  their babies in prams. Sometimes, I just become aware of them beyond their appearances and occupations and I see fragile bodies and human souls with deep longing. I connect with their sadness hidden in their laughter, anger or  silence. I see their soul’s simplicity and sometimes helplessness.

Sometimes, I see young children, doing weird things and driving their parents crazy. When I pause and look deep, I experience little souls longing to express themselves. Weirdness then generates compassion.

Likewise, I have started experiencing elders differently. In their anger, idiosyncrasies, egotistic conversations, confusions, amnesia etc, I sometimes get in touch with their deep fears of aging. Its their soul longing to complete, to resolve, to find a meaning.

Many depth psychologist and Jungian analysts like James Hillman & Marie-Louise von Franz explore that psychologically dysfunctional or socially inappropriate behaviors are unique expressions of a Soul in his/her journey to wholeness and individuation. Every interaction is a spiritual longing. If you could hold your breath and listen beyond their physicality and social awkwardness, you will experience their Soul’s calling.

Whenever, I have been able to connect with the deeper Soul’s longing, even the most unbearable moments transform me. I become compassionate, magnanimous and gracious human being. My Soul starts honouring other’s Soul journey. Their Soul reciprocates. It’s like two warriors meeting and honouring each other.

We can practice it everyday!

When you come across any difficult situation or find yourself in a duel with another person, just become aware of the stuckness. Often its some kind of either-or, right-wrong, always-never polarity. Its manifested on the body as well, as some pain or stiffness.  Just pause for a moment. Take deep breath and connect with your feelings… anger, fear, hurt, pain… Experience your feelings fully for a moment while resisting the need to externalize it.

Now, ask yourself: What am I really longing for in this moment?

(I often connect with my longing for love, attention, independence, peace etc…)

Now, you may connect with the other person or the situation. Inquire with an open heart: What are they feeling? What are they really longing for?

As we become aware of our Soul’s longing, we connect with others at deeper level. We feel deeply acknowledged, understood and loved by ourselves and others. This way we not only transform a stuck situation or relationship but also help another Soul in their journey.

When we start listening to Soul’s longing in difficult conversation, we generate compassion and love where there had been hurt and struggle. We become the compassionate, magnanimous and gracious human being!

I have started practicing it daily and celebrating my soulful moments. Hope you enjoy it too…

…from the Sacred Well

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A Gentle Warrior

“Gentleness and understanding create in others an unconscious willingness to be led.”

“The I Ching teaches a simple but effective method of influencing difficult people and arduous situations. It advises us first to lay aside our prejudices – our feelings of being wounded, angry, or in the right – and second to seek to understand the positions of others and the lesson that the Sage is teaching us with the situation. ” (I Ching translations by Brian Browne Walker)

I Ching is the Chinese Book of Changes that has been consulted for sage’s advice at life’s turning points. It has been an oracle to rulers & warriors for many centuries. Yesterday, while dealing with an arduous situation, I consulted I Ching and it gave me some wonderful advice that I would like to share here with my reflections.

To better understand this insight, you may take a moment to recall a difficult situation or encounter with a difficult person that you have recently experienced. I Ching presents a counterintuitive approach to leading in difficult situations. It highlights 3 warrior-like qualities: “acceptance, gentleness, and a desire to understand the lesson underneath”.

Acceptance:

We often misunderstand acceptance with passive behaviour. Instead, acceptance is an aware choice.

We are tempted to escape to future or resort to past– demanding what we expect or fighting for what we lost. Accepting the moment helps us in being present in the here & now. We accept each experience with the awareness that it is “necessary for us to learn something about ourselves and about the higher laws of life” (I Ching). Such acceptance shifts us from being a victim of the situation to engaging with it as a curious learner.

In your difficult moments, how could you practice ‘accepting the moment’ and truly welcome all that it has to offer?

Gentleness:

When faced with difficult situation and people, gentleness seems to be counter-intuitive. It appears like a softer, weaker quality that is not appropriate or possible in difficult moments. We wonder– how can warrior be gentle in midst of a war? We need to deepen our understanding about gentleness.

Best way, I have understood gentleness is through an image: a strong warrior, gently holding a sparrow in his palms. Thus, gentle to me, is full awareness of your power and therefore being gracious and mindful of how you use it. Gentleness is deep centeredness in who you are. It has an element of care, love and respect. Gentleness melts the barriers, generates trust, deepens awareness and inspires a willingness to be led.

In the difficult situation that you are confronted with, could you gently hold the other person, their point of view and their deeper needs?

Desire to understand the lesson beneath:

When we are confronted with difficult people, we feel stuck. We slide into victimhood and externalize the blame. Its natural. It helps us, temporarily. All we want is to unstuck ourselves but we end up being, further entangled.

I Ching advises that all difficult situations and people, come to our life to teach us deeper lessons about ourselves and the higher laws. They become enablers in our journey to wholeness. Like Kekai helped Ram in his journey from being an obedient prince to becoming a warrior king and realizing his divine inspiration.

When we engage with tough conversations with this belief, we connect with our deeper longing and inspire others to do so. Each moment and each person becomes our aide and cotraveller and we feel liberated from the helplessness we were stuck into.

What are you longing to learn in this moment? What lessons for personal growth is this situation bringing to you?

I Ching further alarms that what you are inside will be experienced by other people. If you are accepting, gentle and understanding within, they will experience that, even if you are quiet. If you are not experiencing it within but just putting up a facade of being gentle or accepting, they will experience your facade leading to further stuckness and powerlessness.

This new way of leading is an inside-out job!

Sacred Well

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A call for soulful leadership

What part of our soul is dying? What is the stand that we are dreading to take? What is the call that we are not responding to?

Dying souls, endangered kingdom…

23 children die due to poisonous oil served in a government school under a government midday meal scheme. Suddenly reports start surfacing all over the country about poor school children falling sick and dying due to contaminated, poisonous food, vitamin tablets, etc… distributed under public health schemes.

Following the news, while media is highlighting the gross governance negligence, our political leaders have been hiding. It took more than 24-48 hrs for key ministers to respond. Chief minister of the state came to public address after 9 days. Instead of taking accountability they got busy in the political blame game. Soon media also shifted its focus to other spicier political news stories.

This news hurts me deeply and fills me with anger and helplessness.

I have indirectly worked for Anganwadis (child care centers where these meals are served). I can relate to the hope and innocence of the children who come to Anganwadis. They are the most vulnerable and powerless part of our society. They are poor and they are innocent children. And they have to bear the burnt of a massive governance, public systems and leadership failure.

I don’t know how is the soul of our country is coping with such a breakdown. At a deeper level its a humanity failure.

When my intense emotions settled, I started seeing a pattern among many similar incidents happening across India and globe. Themes may be different, ranging from corruption, rape, dictatorship etc, but the underlying pattern is same: citizens suffering, governance apathy, systems failure and public outrage.

Historically such moments have been tipping points for revolutions and renaissance. Old forms and power systems die and new ones come to life.

Mythologically, such moments are captured in the hero’s or heroine’s journey (ref Joseph Campbell). There comes a time in life of a kingdom when the king is sick, dying, powerless. His kingdom (being his manifestation) is also suffering, poor, hopeless. In such times, a hero receives a call. A deep soul call to take on a journey. This journey would test his mettle. Take him to unknown places. Make him encounter and slay the dragon within. Enter the crucible and emerge as a new born- a soulful leader now ready to serve the kingdom. He then comes back and heals the king and the kingdom. Reclaims his power and is often enthroned as the new king.

If these recurring systemic failures are representing the suffering kingdoms of our collective psyche, then what is the call that we as heroes, heroines and leaders need to respond to?

The call for soulful leadership…

Children represent the soul of a community. What happens when the patriarchal systems fail to nurture and protect its soul? What are we heading towards? How is all this a massive manifestation of the inner world within all of us? How are we colluding with power and exploiting the child within us? What is the deeper leadership stand that we are not ready to take? What is the call that we are not responding to?

A leader comes to life in his/ her response to the context. It’s this crucible that shapes the leadership. As I look at this incident and other similar incidents around the world, I see a leadership void. A void that is calling for soulful leaders. Leaders who show up and take a stand to respond to their context. Leaders who hold themselves and others accountable for the social-ecological well-being. Leaders who nurture their systems and communities like their own families. Leaders who are both courageous warriors and passionate lovers.

If its your kingdom burning and your king dying, what would you do? What are you being called for?

I feel I am called to fill the leadership void. To call others to connect with their deep calling. To cocreate an ecosystems of soulful leaders who care deeply for their people and planet. This is my response to the failing systems and this is my promise to the dying children.

What is yours?

In hero’s journey, sometime hero fails to respond to the call. Life then is full of a suffering called mediocrity. For they knew but could not step into their brilliance.

Whether small or big, it’s the next soulful step that matters…

Bon voyage!
Sacred Well

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Drop the old story!

“Allow harsh and unforgiving feelings to be carried away by the song of a flute, the reverberation of a drum, or the sound of the wind through the trees. In your mind’s eye, see where the flow of positive energy is blocked, and then imagine this place as an ice floe breaking up in a thawing river.” (iChing- the book of change).

If it stays longer than few seconds, its not an emotion.
Cause, e-motion is energy in motion…
Be it anger, excitement, fear, love, hurt, sadness, joy…
It’s energy. And it come and goes, on our body.

But often it evokes memories. Old data. Old stories.
And that’s where we get stuck. We feel heavy and loaded.
We get further entangled in our need to be righteous.

Pema Chordon says, “drop the storyline”
If we drop our stories, we will discover that our feelings are same as the ones who seem to be troubling us. We will discover, compassion and love.
It’s the story that freezes us in the past. Like a tree who never learnt what spring was cause he refused to let-go any old dried out leaves.

So what’s the way out?
Sometimes I am able to catch myself getting into the old story. Like a old tape playing – “see you are a victim again”. Such times, I stay with the emotions and the feelings in the here and now. I let it happen fully. Just witness…

But I am not always so lucky. Often, the story tape plays so loud in my brain that it numbs rest of the body. Heaviness seeps in. In such a moment, iChing advice is helpful. “Allow harsh and unforgiving feelings to be carried away by the song of a flute,… “.

Connecting with the natural flow energy softens the hard earth and allows the seeds of love and gentleness germinate, find roots and unfold the sapling of new possibilities.

— Sacred well